The First Few Weeks: Challenges & Perks

Yes, it's a little after 4am in my time zone. No, I'm not awake. I use the post schedule feature on Blogger like it's an Olympic sport. Sue me.

Let's talk about the first few weeks of keto. It's usually what ruins this life style for people. Managing the diet is realistically easy as long as you can make the transition from a low-fat to full-fat mentality. There are some side effects that can be challenging. I also noticed some near immediate changes that I'll call perks. This is all part of the process that your body goes through as it struggles to become "fat adapted."

1. Challenge: The "Keto Flu." This nearly fucking killed me. For the first few weeks, if I moved suddenly, I had to have serious concern about either puking or shitting myself. I was sore, I was tired. Queasiness lasted for the first month. No one died though, so that's sort of a perk. Right? 
2. Challenge: General shit physical performance. Truth be told, I'm still struggling with this, seven weeks in. Before keto, I was on a 1k calorie/day diet for two months. Starting keto, my lift numbers dropped and haven't recovered. I've become that guy grunting over 15 lb bicep crunches. My run times have significantly reduced per mile.
3. Challenge: Figuring out what to eat. The initial instinct was to eat everything with bacon. It's still a stand-in when I can't figure something out. I've added avocado to my diet, and I'm doing things with cream cheese and coconut oil that I wouldn't have believed possible.
4. Challenge: Cutting through the bullshit. There's a lot out there. I watched a YouTube video where a guy told his viewers not to eat cashews (because they're really a fruit), then praised the goodness of avocados (also a fruit). This is an ongoing process in a world where any jackass such as myself can get on the internet and pretend to be an expert in things.
5. Challenge: Raging diarrhea. Strangely, this seems to be cyclical for me in keto and critical to any fat loss benefits. The first few weeks though went a little like this clip. This is also my stomach's follow up response to a scheduled cheat day.

1. Perk: A permanent skin irritation/rash went away. I've had it constantly since I moved to Dallas in 2011. When I leave town for a few weeks, it would heal up. My dermatologist has theorized that the rash is an allergy to diatoms in the local water supply that are getting stuck in hair follicles. 
2. Perk: Several people have noted that the whites of my eyes are "whiter" and that as a result, my eyes look bluer.
3. Perk: Several people have told me that my skin is "glowing." I don't have the heart to tell most of them that it's usually after I've gotten laid. But, I have noticed my skin tone is more even in general. My dry "t" zone has also cleared up.
4. Perk: I feel more... alert. This could also be the Bang energy drinks, but I noticed it prior to drinking my first one. My mood seems to be more stable on keto than it is normally. I've been diagnosed with dysthymia, and I'm Portuguese, so I tend to be a little volatile anyway. Not so much anymore, although I do still have triggers. Mostly Facebook.
5. Perk: I haven't had (many) cravings. In my head, a lot of keto "approved" food (I'll lament this concept later) is sort of garbagey. I usually feel like I'm eating what I would have as a teenager if my mom wasn't around to screech at me. I don't really want carbs. Or miss them. I'm full for a long time between meals (6-8 hours, typically). Most diets I struggle not to break. With keto, I schedule cheat days and I could generally take a pass on them. I don't feel like I'm dieting.
6. Perk: No one died. When I originally lost the 100+ pounds on my old 1k calorie/day diet, I was a rampaging bitch for about a month. I'm surprised I kept my job. See Perk 4.

Bang: It's More Than Something to Do on Weekends

I'm woefully allergic to coffee, and the struggle to stay caffeinated is real. Before I started worrying about things like sugar intake, my caffeine of choice was Coca-Cola, to the tune of 6-8 (12 oz) bottles a day. I still enjoy the odd Coke Zero Sugar or Cherry Zero, but when I started my original diet plan in 2012, I replaced Coke with Crystal Light (then) Energy, which has now been rebranded as Crystal Light with Caffeine.

Crystal Light with Caffeine is how I did things until I discovered Bang through a keto Facebook group. Bang is an energy drink of the new school. It seems to have zero marketing. It works solely by word of mouth and possibly ninja magic. It has no calories, no sugar, no carbs, and more than 300 mg of caffeine (that's roughly the equivalent of THREE cups of coffee) per can. If this could be snorted or freebased, I'd be there.

I think it lives up to its claims. Energy, without the crash. It keeps me going in the gym (which has been a challenge in my keto lifestyle). VPX, the manufacturer, seems to like cute trade names that don't always hint at the flavor of the drink (ie, Rainbow Fucking Unicorn, Star Blast, Sour Heads, etc.)

• Peach Mango: Self-explanatory.I hate all things in this flavor combo, so... I'ma gonna pass.
• Sour Heads: Sort of sour green apple candy and vague citrus. Currently, this is my fave. I've now bought two cases. And several handles of vodka.
• Cotton Candy: Initially, it's a true reflection of cotton candy, which I don't love. The end flavor is reminiscent of the smell of my scrotum after a five-mile run. Not a fan.
• Star Blast: The blue part of the Bomb Pop, with some other dark fruit mixed in. I liked this, but not enough to commit to a full case.
• Power Punch: To me, this was a reasonably good effort at a fruit punch where the sweetness was tamed down. I've seen other people claim it was a poor approximation of a fruit punch. I bought a case of this after my initial can.
• Rainbow Unicorn: Hints of strawberry Starburst or Skittles, pineapple, fake peach. Not a fan, and unfortunately I have a case.
• Cherry Blade Lemonade: Sweet cherry, tart lemon, the slightest hint of disinfectant. Despite that, this is currently in my number two slot.
• Purple Haze: Grape Dimetapp with an extra shot of vodka. I would upvote this if it got a bit sweeter.
• Lemon Drop: Until the very end, a near perfect replica of a lemon drop candy, then a bitter aftertaste that reminds me more of the cocktail.
• Citrus Twist: A less sharp version of 7-up

Flavors I have yet to try:
Champagne:
Blue Razz:
Black Cherry Vanilla:
Sweet Tea (non-carbonated):
Cola:
Pina Colada: 

Purple Guava Pear:
Root Beer Blaze:

There are likely more that I'm missing. The Bang homepage wasn't super helpful in my research. I'm not even going to try to non-caffeinated versions. What's the point in that? If you want to try some on your own, I've found them at 7-11, GNC, Walmart, and Vitamin Shoppe.


Here are some more links to see if you, too would like to Bang:
https://www.theodysseyonline.com/bang-energy-drinks 
https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/the-13-most-dangerous-energy-drinks/ss-AAm26Pv

Intro to Keto

I'm sure if you've stumbled across my blog, you've rolled your eyes and said something to yourself along the lines of "what's this fuckwit going to tell me that all the other fuckwits haven't?"  Truth is, I'm not sure myself. Mostly, this is the story of my journey. You can join me if you want, share your own adventures, or if you're part of the keto police, you can get bent and kindly move on to a new blog and someone else to make miserable.

I'm going to define keto for me, largely in an effort to minimize internet trolls. Keto is a diet that is high-fat, moderate protein, and low carb. Most days I successfully manage 20 or fewer NET carbs (that is to say, total carbohydrates less dietary fiber). I've eliminated as much sugar as I can from my diet. I've limited my carb intake to leafy green vegetables. At some point, I'll probably transition to "lazy" keto or do keto with "carb-ups" where I eat more carbs than is usual. Right now, this is my diet plan. Keto for me DOES include dairy. Specifically, full-fat milk, yogurt, cheese, butter, and heavy whipping cream ("cream" or HWC).  I read labels to avoid brands with added sugars. I can nearly see some of the keto police's heads exploding. I don't count calories. I'm sorta measuring things out until I learn where carbs slip in to the equation.

Along with keto I exercise. I lift 5x/week. I do some form of cardio daily, such as run, swim, walk, elliptical, whatever. I think exercise in whatever capacity you can exercise is critical to maintain good physical health. I'm not your doctor, so check with him or her if you want to start a plan. Get a trainer to help you learn what you should be doing in the gym (I have one. She's fucking amazing, even if she does only like purse dogs and is a morning person).

Keto, for me, is NOT necessarily a weight loss plan. I'm looking to see if keto will help me decrease my overall body fat percentage and I'm sort of wondering what physical changes I'll see as I progress through the plan. I do not plan on living this life style forever. In fact, I frequently question whether the results of keto are sustainable (or even healthy) long term. 

Here's what I want to write about, hopefully helping some of you determine whether keto is right (or wrong) for you:

• Keto results
• The "science" of keto (I have a bio-science degree, but I'm no scientist. Neither are half the other people schlepping advice. What I am is a skeptic of the first order, and no bullshit when I smell it).
• Adjustment to keto
• Products that help me STAY keto
• Cravings, food management
• Recipes
• Keto support paraphernalia

I've been doing for approximately seven weeks as of this first post. I did a slow transition to decrease my carb intake for two weeks prior to that seven weeks. When I started keto, I stood just shy of 6'3 and weighed in at 187 pounds. I was 18% body fat (by calipers). Today, seven weeks after I began and one day after my first permitted cheat day, wherein I ate ALL the carbs, I still stand just shy of 6'3, weighed in at 187 pounds, and the calipers said I was at 15% body fat.